Decisions and Thoughts

So after futher discussion with mom and much consideration, I have decided to not go through with this pageant for a number of reasons. But my most important ones are:

I have two hard tests next week. I think that most pageant people can agree that when you do/compete in a pageant or even watch you get very consumed in it. I usually struggle with getting back into school mode after doing a pageant. I become really consumed with preparing for the pageant and after the pageant I reminice about it a lot. So it order to keep my head in the game so that I can get good grades was one factor in not doing the pageant.

My second reason and my most important reason is that my great grandmother (who lives with mom and I) is 91 years old. She hasn't been doing so well lately and the doctors aren't sure how much longer she has. She keeps getting phnemonia, which throws her heart rhythm off and puts her ina funk; usually causing her to be in the hospital for awhile. The valve to her heart is closing and mom and I just want to spend as much time with her as possible.

This really got me thinking... I wish all people would realize how important certian people are in your life. I feel like many people take their friends, family, and loved ones for granted and I feel like I do too. I know I don't tell my mom I love her enough or thank her for how much she has done for me. I guess I just assume she knows, but I could always show her that or even be more verbel with her about it. I know she puts up a lot, my mood swings, temper, when Im angry, everything negative. But I feel like I can be like this around her because she is one person who will always love me no matter what. Although I am working on trying to be more positive around her like I am around everyone else.

Even with my great grammy (whom I just call grammy bt the way) I feel like I have just recently started to truely appreciate her. I remember when I was younger and she moved in and I kind of dreaded it. But I was a brat and just hated change. But lately I truely truely appreciate her. She is a very kind and quiet woman. Although when she does say things they are usually funny or really make you listen. Especially when she yells at mom for not taking her out enough...I personally think it is hilarious, I'm sure mom doesnt.

The most recent example of what I love about her: the last time she was in the hospital was a couple of weeks ago. The doctors gave her this breathing exercise with an insturment to do. She has so get this little ball to stay in the happy face (which is between 2 sad faces) on a scale type thing, while at the same time she has to raise this bar to a certian line...all at the same time.Well she was demonstrating it to my uncle, scott and me and mom was telling her how to do it and that she wasn't doing it right. So she kept trying, I swear she was going to pass out!!! She realized I thought it was funny so she kept doing it. So here is my little 91 year old grammy blowing out so much air that she was probably super dizzy and here I am laughing....mom didn't think it was funny...she made her stop. But grammy and I just looked at each other and giggled.

Grammy and I may not have many bonding moments, but I love her and the ones that we do have are worth it. She is a big fan of mine and so proud of everything I have done. She loves watching me do pageants, and I know she wouldv'e been devestated not to be able to go to the International Junior Miss pageant had I chosen to do it. Every year in her christmas letters she brags about how proud she is of me.

This is all just food for thought for everyone to realize who is important to you in your life. Spend as much time as you can with them and enjoy it. I wish I wouldv'e realized this sooner because I fear I don't have much more time to spend with grammy.

So this post may not be a lot about pageants, but it is dedicated to my grammy and how much I adore her and love that she is a huge fan of mine no matter what I choose to do.